but, pain, people.

It has been a tough week.

I’m not complaining. Really. It is just the way it is.

My yoga class on Sunday beat me up. It’s a “drop-in” class for beginners, one we’re encouraged to take in addition to our slower, gentler two hour class on Tuesday night. I had to work after class. I worked on Monday, too. I was in a lot of pain on Monday.

Fortunately, the pain dissipated enough for me to take my class Tuesday night. But I felt like such a fool. I didn’t push myself at all — using the blocks and pillows and bolsters constantly. I may have saved myself some soreness, but I also robbed myself of a sense of accomplishment.

My hips started hurting like crazy again. I’m not sure if it was the three pieces of pizza I had at our store meeting Sunday night, or the rain, or sitting too long. But sleep was difficult.

I did a nice invigorating cardio workout on Wednesday, though.

Which brings us to today.

Today, I intended to do another strength workout: but I lost my nerve.

I just didn’t want anymore pain. They say athletes are in pain all the time. When I first heard that I didn’t understand. Now, I have an inkling. When you are constantly pushing your physical limits–you cause yourself pain. Apparently, there’s “good” pain and “bad” pain. I’m not experienced enough to know which is which. It all feels pretty bad to me.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

***********************

I wrote the above on Thursday night. When I finished, I wanted to do a workout. I began to get upset that I hadn’t even taken that walk I ‘d promised myself, the dog and my husband. But it was much too late.

This morning while writing my morning pages, I thought about what it would mean to stop exercising completely –to go back to my old ways– and that was more frightening to me than the thought of pain. No one said I have to push hard. That’s on me. I could just walk.

Now, it is Friday afternoon. I am feeling pretty good today. At work I felt some lower back pain and a little something-something in my right shoulder that’s made me mindful of the occupational therapists advice on how to properly lift and carry. In other words, nothing unusual.

So, as I changed out of my work clothes, I thought, what the hell. I put on my workout togs and I did an awesome body weight workout. I did more reps in every exercise than I’ve ever done before–even the dreaded jumping jacks.

So we’ll see how I feel tomorrow, but right now, I’m grinning from ear to ear.

 

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