This is the photo I took of myself January 1, 2017 right after my workout. I cannot believe how big I am. I also can’t believe how filthy that mirror is, sorry.

This post is part of a little series where I am attempting to answer four questions put to me as I begin my participation in Precision Nutrition’s Coaching program for women.

The questions are:

  1. What is it you really want to achieve in going through P.N. Coaching? Answer here.
  2. Why haven’t you achieved your goals already? What’s blocking you?
  3. What awesome things might happen to you if you did make progress?
  4. What specific things will show you you’re on track?


So, on to the second question:

  1. Why haven’t you achieved your goals already? What’s blocking you?

In the Tony Robbins video I linked to last post, he makes the point that the body I have today is an exact reflection of my standards, or, to put it another way: my body reflects who I think I am.

That’s sort of true.

When I quit smoking the last time, for good, I wasn’t merely a person who didn’t smoke anymore. No, a switch flipped and I was suddenly a non-smoker. That was it. Oh, I had cravings….but I felt like they were just the symptoms of detoxing from the poisons I had been addicted to …they weren’t even framed in my head as a “craving for a cigarette.” I hated the idea I was dependent on something that was ruining my teeth and my health.

The weight switch has not yet flipped for me. In fact, my weight is a very hard thing for me to deal with, mentally speaking. I do not see myself as large as I am. When I see myself in pictures, or I catch my reflection, it is very hard for me to accept that that person is me. In my head, I am still the aerobics instructor I was in my late twenties…as odd as that seems. I am still that person who thought her next big physical challenge would be rock climbing.

So, perhaps not accepting my current reality is keeping me stuck here. It’s like I know there are all these things I’m supposed to do like eat lots of veggies and exercise and bloody hell, put that piece of chocolate down!– but I don’t feel any tremendous urgency or compulsion to do them.

As Tony said, the body you have today is the perfect consequence of all the habits and rituals you do, day in, day out. In fact, in that video, he challenges you to write down all the rituals that have shaped your current condition. I should do that.

He also said “who you spend time with is who you become” which shook me to my core.

I’d like to know a few women my age who are active. I wonder where they hang out?